A bit about Trains...

I sometimes get the train to work – I have done this since the Blackpool office closed and we all moved in with the lovely people at Preston. Before Christmas, during all the snow and freezing ice I got the train more often, but now I just get it occasionally. Why, you ask? Why not get it every day, save petrol, save wear and tear, keep away from the hustle and bustle of traffic, along with it’s road rage and arsehole drivers. Why? Because trains are, on the whole… crap!

There is one train that runs once an hour from Blackpool South to Preston, and there have been occasions when it has not even bothered to get as far at Blackpool South, but stopped at St Annes, leaving all the pissed off commuters standing at the platform to get even more pissed off.

The other day (or t’other day, as we say up North), I got the train from Squires Gate. It is a small station, but there is CCTV and a tannoy thing that tends to work only occasionally. As I arrived at the stop, the tannoy went off and a rather posh sounding lady informed all commuters that ‘Violence and vandalism would not be accepted at that station.’ I was pretty miffed as I was just considering what kind of violence and vandalism I might try that morning. Instead I pulled my Ipod out of my pocket and began to unravel the headphones. It was, though, a pretty ludicrous thing to tell the commuters. As if an announcement such as that would deter any would-be Violence and vandalisers? Would they quickly put their spray cans away or fold up their flick knives with a, ‘Oh, well, guess I won’t be doing any of that today – the posh lady said so!’ I don’t thing so.

That lady has spoke before, and she likes to inform us that the next train to arrive at platform two is the 7.45 to blah blah. This is quite strange, as there is actually no platform one. Not unless this platform is in another dimension, or another reality, like Platform 9 ¾… Perhaps this platform (one) is the train to hell. And only the dead can board it. I fear that day when I hear her say, ‘The next train to arrive at Platform 1…’

Other than inform commuters not to smoke or that there is CCTV in operation, the lady does not speak much. One day I would like her to say something like, ‘Wassap!’ Or to play a few little songs and have a chat with us, like Chris Evans on Radio 2.

Trains are okay really, when they arrive. They are far too expensive though. In a world in which the government want us all to be a bit more greener, they should not be charging £6.90 for a return to Preston from Blackpool. And they should be laying them on more often! Might as well go to work in my gas guzzling, pollution-creating car…