A Bit about Moaning

Tonight I want to discuss moans. Moans are all around us. There is no escaping moans, or moaners. There are good moans and there are bad moans. Moans are like things that live in the water, they can be cute little fish you want to stroke and love, or they can be floating turds you just want to get away from as quickly as possible. Where do moans come from?

People, of course.

I don’t mind people moaning or having a good moan about something if it is a good, valid moan, so don’t get me wrong here… You know what I mean about a valid moan: someone has a sick relative, has had a crap time, or other such reason… But I just cannot abide a bad, invalid moan from someone. You know the kind of person I mean I am sure. That work colleague/mate/relative/bloke in the pub who bends your ear for what seems like a lifetime going on about something so mesmerizingly … ridiculous!

When you are stood there thinking, What in the hell is this work colleague/mate/relative/bloke in the pub moaning about? And why is he or she moaning at me about it, and why in the hell are they moaning anyway?
Moans about the weather really get to me… It’s cold/warm/wet etc… Get over it won’t you! This is England! Okay, if it really is cold and you have had to scrape an inch of ice off your car windscreen that morning then have a moan… but don’t come to me a moan about it being too hot…! For 364 days of the year here in England the weather is crap, so when that one day of the year arrives when it is warm, don’t say to me, ‘Oh Borg, it’s just too warm isn’t it?’


‘No… it is not too warm… moan at someone else… leave me alone to enjoy this rare bit of warm weather.’

Some people moan about their favourite football/rugby/baseball (for all my US readers) etc teams. Why do you support them if all you want to do is moan about them? ‘Oh, they’ll get relegated this year, they’re rubbish.’ WHY DON’T YOU TRY TO BE MORE POSSITIVE, YOU, YOU… INVALID MOANER YOU!’

Oh, my boyfriend/girlfriend is a right git… Get another one, dump him/her!

My cat keeps trying to eat the fish… Why get a fish and cat together anyway!


So… moan about something worth moaning about, okay? Thank you.